- THURSDAY, Aug. 7 (HealthDay News) — Shelley Volz, now 59, got
the news about her breast cancer diagnosis 10 years ago, right before she
was headed from San Francisco to New York for the wedding of her younger
brother.

After much thought, she decided to tell only her mother before the
wedding and to hold off telling other family members. “My mother had a
typical mother's reaction, tears and hugs, and we moved on,” Volz said.
“She really appreciated the fact that I didn't want to steal the limelight
there.”

Volz waited until after the wedding celebration to calmly tell others.
Ten years later, after successful treatment, she is doing fine.

While she says she doesn't think she found it as difficult as many
people to disclose the diagnosis, she did think about others'
reactions.

In that sense, she is typical, according to a new study. “Even when
women are facing a breast cancer diagnosis, they are still concerned about
caring for everyone else, especially the emotions of others,” said study
author Grace J. Yoo, a medical sociologist at San Francisco State
University's Biobehavioral Research Center.

She presented the findings Monday at the American Sociological
Association annual meeting, in Boston. The research is especially timely,
given the recent news that actress Christina Applegate, 36, is being
treated for early breast cancer.

Yoo and her team interviewed 164 San Francisco-area breast cancer
survivors, average age 57, of different ethnicities to evaluate the
“emotion work” involved in telling others about the diagnosis.

In interviews with the researchers, the women talked about their
feelings and actions after getting the diagnosis.

“Even telling someone, 'I have breast cancer,' it's well thought out,”
Yoo said. “They know the statement, to some, can overwhelm.” Women react
in different ways — stifling their own emotions so they don't appear
vulnerable, paying attention to the timing of their news, or sometimes
letting it all out, she said.

>Women find it somewhat easier to tell friends than family members, she
found. “Women are trying to protect older, aging parents and younger
children and even their spouses, even during illness. Women are socialized
to care about others.”

Ideally, Yoo said, women should do less of that at this time. “It's a
time they should be caring about themselves, what decisions they should be
making about breast cancer. They shouldn't emotionally burn themselves out
by caring for others' emotions.”

One woman, for instance, told the interviewer that she didn't tell her
mother about her breast cancer until after the surgery, because she knew
her mother would worry. Many women said once they were told about the
diagnosis, they were surprised about the outpouring of help, even from
acquaintances. But some feared that if they told, people may not care
enough to help.

The findings ring true with what another expert has seen in clinical
practice. This has “documented what we have known instinctively,” said
Lori Worden, an oncology social worker in Grants Pass, Ore.

Her advice to women? “You don't need to tell people today.” Feel free
to process it yourself first. Practicing what you will say, by saying it
out loud to yourself or writing it down, can help, she said.

Yoo's advice: “We tell women to seek out other breast cancer survivors,
other women who understand, to increase their resources.” And focus more
on getting emotional support than giving it.

More information

To learn more about how to tell others about your diagnosis, visit the
Lance
Armstrong Foundation.